


So Many People are Looking to Me

by aleia



Series: Sweet Silver Lining [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:09:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: Honestly I'm surprised that Buck didn't get impatient for sex before this. I'm enjoying that this crazy show never really tells us how much time passes because these boys need to have sex before they cry again.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Series: Sweet Silver Lining [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731151
Comments: 14
Kudos: 88





	So Many People are Looking to Me

Buck knew from the beginning of their relationship that there would be times that his schedule just didn’t line up with Josh’s. As a firefighter, his schedule is always going to be a disaster. With Buck working mostly a 24 on, 48 off schedule, and Josh sometimes working nights, Buck knew they that they’d have some problems. But he also thought they’d be okay. It’s not like Buck hasn’t dealt with the complications of dating a dispatcher before.

But in the week that they have to skip seeing each other, Josh’s texts get shorter and shorter.

“Talk to him. Just ask if something is wrong,” Hen says.

It’s not bad advice, but Josh says he’s fine. Sort of. He says that he’s tired and grumpy from work, and he’ll be fine when they can see each other again. And they have a shared day off coming up, so Buck plans a date that sounds like it will be good for both of them.

***

 **Josh:** You’re not going to tell me what we’re doing?  
**Buck:** It’s a surprise. But I double-checked with Maddie to make sure you’d like it.  
**Josh:** I’m a little concerned about needing a change of clothes.  
**Buck:** That’s just a precaution. You might not need them.  
**Buck:** Also, I debated not telling you so that I’d have an excuse to take you home before dinner and get your clothes off and Maddie said I shouldn’t do that without asking.

***

“This is what I’m talking about,” Buck tells Eddie when Josh never texts him back. “Every time I say something flirty, he stops answering until it’s been long enough to change the subject.”

“It _was_ very forward. Maybe tone it down,” Eddie says.

“He was fine with me saying stuff like this before.”

***

Josh still greets him with a kiss when Buck picks him up, and it loosens the knot in Buck’s chest a little. They both have stressful jobs that take a lot out of them and the last few weeks have been traumatic for both of them in different ways. Maybe they just need time away from work with each other. Also, Buck is very confident in the date he has planned.

“Please tell me you’re not expecting me to adopt a dog,” Josh says when Buck parks at the animal shelter.

“No. Do you not remember that I ran this date past Maddie? She would stop that,” Buck tells him. “They let people volunteer to take dogs to the dog park for a few hours. We’re just borrowing a couple dogs and bringing them back.”

Buck’s already registered as a volunteer, so they have two dogs in the backseat of his jeep in just a few minutes.

“How often do you do this?” Josh asks, laughing as he helps keep one of the dogs from pushing his way to the front so that Buck can drive.

“Every couple weeks. Eddie brings Christopher to read to the dogs sometimes because he has trouble reading out loud. Maddie says it’s good for me to be with my own kind sometimes.”

One of the perks of having a weird schedule is that the dog park isn’t crowded at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday. There’s only three other people and that makes it easy to keep track of dogs that don’t know them or their own names. It also means that they can lie down on a blanket for some quality doggy cuddles after they’re all worn out. Buck takes a few pictures of Josh playing with the big lab mix and he sees Josh doing the same to him. It’s possible that Buck poses for pictures. He never claimed to be humble.

“Good date idea?” Buck asks when they’re cuddled up on the blanket in the shade with a dog on each side.

“Yeah. Though we might need to stop by my house anyway because I might need a shower before dinner in addition to just needing to change clothes.”

Buck stops himself from suggesting that they share that shower. Instead he threads their fingers together and says, “You’ve seemed really stressed lately. I thought it might help.”

“Sorry. It’s just everything and then having to write a statement for the trial on top of it all.”

“You can talk to me about it. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Josh says, but he doesn’t elaborate.

***

Stopping by Josh’s apartment to shower before dinner is definitely mandatory. Buck doesn’t comment when Josh says he has two bathrooms because they’ve had such a good date that Buck doesn’t want to mess it up.

That doesn’t stop Buck from coming out of the bathroom without a shirt on. Buck doesn’t want to come on too strong, but he knows what his best assets are. He loves that Josh is interested in more than just his body, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want Josh to also be interested in his body. And he’s wearing pants. Being shirtless is not that big of a deal. He doesn’t expect Josh to immediately turn away from him.

“Sorry. Sorry,” Buck says as he rushes to put on his shirt.

“No. It’s fine,” Josh says even though it’s obviously not fine.

“I’m dressed,” Buck says, but Josh doesn’t turn around.

“Are you…not attracted to me? Did you decide that you just want to be friends?” Buck asks after it doesn’t look like Josh is going to move or say anything. “It’s okay if you did, but you seemed into it until this week and then every time I try to flirt with you, you just shut me down.”

“No. _Of course_ I’m attracted to you,” Josh says as he turns around. “I mean you look like, _that_.”

Josh waves his hand at Buck before sitting down on one of his bar stools and looking to the floor.

Buck walks to him slowly because he still has no idea how things got messed up.

“Am I pushing too much too soon?” Buck asks.

“It’s our third date and that’s the first time I saw you with your shirt off. That’s not fast,” Josh says.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says because he learned from dating Abby that the best thing to do when he doesn’t know how help is to just ask. “I don’t know what’s wrong. If you can tell me, I’ll work on whatever it is that I did.”

This gets Josh to look up at him. “You didn’t do anything. It’s not your fault. You’re sweet and this has already been one of the best dates I’ve ever had.”

“Okay…” Buck takes a chance and comes close enough to stand between Josh’s legs.

“It’s just that you look like _that_ , and I look like… _me_.”

Buck tilts Josh’s head up to look at him.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but I _like_ you and I knew what you looked like when we started dating. Which is honestly more than I could say about my last real relationship.”

Josh laughs. It’s weird to think that Josh knew Abby, but maybe it’s a good thing. Even if she left him, he’s sure she said positive things about him as a boyfriend.

“I’m attracted to you. I came up with this date half so I could have a lot of pictures of you playing with dogs on my phone. They’re all very cute,” Buck says. “Did I say something this week to make you think that _I_ think I’m dating down or something? Because I don’t think that at all. You’re smart and funny and cute and sweet. Everyone at the firehouse is teasing me because they don’t know how I managed to get an older and wiser guy to date me. Apparently, no one agrees that I might be mature for my age.”

Josh finally gives him a small smile and leans his head on Buck’s chest. “You didn’t say anything wrong. I guess other people did.”

“What other people?”

Josh rolls his eyes, but he smiles as he says, “You are _not_ going to go beat people up for me, Captain America.”

“Fine. But seriously, what did people say so I can tell you that they’re stupid?”

Josh shrugs. “You know how people are. You start dating someone and everyone wants to see a picture, and you’re Maddie’s brother, so everyone at dispatch could find your Instagram. You know what you look like. They asked how I got someone with a body like, well, you. And then they saw pictures of you with Eddie and asked how I felt about _that_ being my competition…”

“You know I’m not comparing you to Eddie, right? You’re different people. And I didn’t even get a crush on him because of how he looks. I mean, I _noticed_ , but only because I wanted to be in the firefighter calendar, and he had to show up and compete against me—which was just rude and not attractive _at all_. I got a crush because of his personality. And I’m getting over that, I promise.

I like _you_ for your personality. I only didn’t notice you before because I never really talked to you for more than a few seconds. And obviously, I’m flirting with you because I want to sleep with you eventually, so you shouldn’t listen to any of those people. I _am_ attracted to you, but also, I don’t want to date someone who just wants my body anyway. Once, I went to therapy and my therapist had sex with me. It took me a while to realize how messed up that was, but it’s definitely why I try to wait before I get in bed with someone now.”

“What? Who was this? That’s not okay.”

“She doesn’t work for the department anymore. I’m pretty sure Bobby had something to do with it.”

“Good.”

“See? This is why I like you,” Buck says. “You care about _me_. You came over when I was lonely because you cared. You’ve helped me fall asleep twice and we haven’t had sex yet. Everyone who is acting like I’m not really lucky to date you is an idiot. And if they think that I don’t very much want to get all your clothes off, then they’re very wrong.”

“Yeah?” Josh asks as his hand comes up to thread through the short hair on the back of Buck’s neck.

“Yeah,” Buck says against his lips before letting Josh pull him into a kiss.

It’s different from the sweet kisses they’ve shared so far. Josh bites lightly at Buck’s lower lip before pushing his tongue inside. It’s deep and possessive and Buck wants nothing more than to give up all control and let Josh take whatever he wants.

“Do we have actual reservations wherever you were going to take me for dinner?” Josh asks as he kisses down Buck’s neck and slips his hand under Buck’s shirt.

“No, but I really wouldn’t care if we did. Fuck everything else I had planned and just fuck me instead.”

Josh laughs into his neck and starts pushing Buck backwards to the bedroom as he works on getting Buck’s shirt off again.

Somehow, Buck ends up naked on his back on the bed while Josh is still fully clothed. As soon as Josh climbs over him, he goes for Josh’s shirt. He can feel Josh tense under his touch.

“Hey,” Buck whispers because it just feels like he should. “I will 100 percent let you fuck me if all you do is get your dick out, but I’d really rather have you naked.”

“I don’t look like you,” Josh says against his lips.

“I’m not going to pretend that I wouldn’t fuck my clone, but I’m not going to be disappointed with you, okay? I’d fuck your clone too. We could have a clone orgy.”

“You’re completely ridiculous.”

“You like it at least a little.”

“I like it a lot.” Josh leans down for another kiss. He’s still a little tense as Buck pushes up his shirt and tosses it aside, but he relaxes under Buck’s hands and by the time Buck starts fumbling with the button on his pants, he’s helping Buck get them off faster.

It hasn’t been _that_ long since Buck’s been fucked. It’s been longer since it wasn’t with a strap-on, but he thinks it’s better more because of the person involved than the method. Josh stays close to him through all of it even when they lose the coordination to kiss.

“I swear I don’t have a fetish for dating people older than me, but oh my god the extra experience has to be why the sex is so good,” Buck calls after Josh when he gets up to throw away the condom.

Josh laughs at him. “It’s probably just the increased control. Not that I minded having you completely lose control.”

Buck rolls over as Josh gets back in bed and spoons against his back to hold him close. “I was so close to coming untouched. Is that physically possible? Do you know?”

“It’s definitely physically possible, but easier to achieve with fingers or toys. I can try to make it happen if you want, but not tonight.”

“Umm hum. Yes. You should do that. We should also order food because I’m not putting my clothes back on.”

***

Eddie bumps shoulders with him as they walk into the firehouse.

“ _That_ is the outfit we picked out for you to wear to dinner last night,” Eddie says.

“Technically, I’m not wearing the same thing I wore yesterday, because I didn’t really wear it yesterday. We might have not made it to dinner,” Buck tells him with a smile. He can’t help it. He’s happy. He needs to get some of the giddiness out of his system before Chim and Hen show up and harass him about it.

“I thought you were planning to move slow. I guess you figured out what was wrong?” Eddie says, but he’s smiling and there’s no judgement in his tone.

“Yeah, well, some people are assholes and I needed to be clear that I didn’t agree with them.”

When Eddie gives him a questioning look, Buck says, “Some of Josh’s coworkers were questioning how he got me to go out with him because they think I’m too hot or built or whatever for him. It made him feel shitty. _And_ made him worry about you even though he’s been totally chill about us being friends so far.”

“And he’s not now?” Eddie asks.

“He is. I explained that I didn’t even like you until I got to know you. He wasn’t ever really not cool with you anyway. They just made him self-conscious. You guys tease me, but not like that, you know?”

“Well, if anyone tries to say anything like that, Bobby and I will both shut that down. You’re happy. That’s all that matters.”

When Chim and Hen come in, they just see Buck crushing Eddie in a hug and make a fuss about that instead of worrying about Buck’s sex life.

***

 **Buck:** Hey. Keep an eye on Josh at work?  
**Maddie:** Why? Is something wrong?  
**Buck:** Apparently some assholes you work with think he’s not hot enough for me. Don’t bring it up to him, but please tell them to fuck off for me if you hear anything like that.  
**Maddie:** Of course I will! Is he okay?  
**Buck:** I think so, but you know that kind of stuff can get in your head and be hard to let go of. And that stupid asshole hurt him so much already.  
**Maddie:** I know. And you know I love him. I’m glad you care about each other. I’ll do what I can.  
**Buck:** [picture message]  
**Buck:** I mean, look at this picture I took at the dog park. He’s so cute. I’m making it my new lock screen.  
**Maddie:** Very cute. I’m really glad you’re both happy. <3

Buck opens his Instagram and posts the picture with the caption _When you plan a dog park date just so you can get cute pictures of your boyfriend with puppies._ 😍

 **Josh:** I know you posted that to make a point.  
**Buck:** So? I also made it my lockscreen and that’s just for me. 😘  
**Josh:** [picture message]  
**Josh:** It’s possible I’m leaving my phone face up on my desk so that my lockscreen is more obvious on purpose.  
**Buck:** Good. I don’t need anyone getting any ideas that you’re not taken.  
**Josh:** You’re ridiculous. No one was trying to take me before.  
**Buck:** Well, you never know who was slow to see a good thing right in front of them like me.

***

 **Buck:** So now that we’ve already had sex…  
**Josh:** ?  
**Buck:** There’s really no reason to not have a lot more sex?  
**Josh:** *That’s* what you text me when I’m at work?  
**Buck:** Maddie said you’re on break.  
**Josh:** Yes. We are both on break. I’m eating lunch with your sister right now.  
**Buck:** Sorry.  
**Buck:** …that’s not a no right?

***

 **Maddie:** Are you really trying to sext your boyfriend right now?  
**Buck:** No. I mean, not really? I was not giving specifics?  
**Maddie:** I warned him that you were like this.

***

 **Buck:** Are you mad at me?  
**Josh:** No, of course not. Just maybe don’t ask me things like that when I’m with your sister?  
**Buck:** Right. Noted.  
**Buck:** You’re home now, right?  
**Josh:** You’re still at work.  
**Buck:** My co-workers are used to me. And we’re kind of in a dead time so we’re just working out.  
**Buck:** [video message]  
**Josh:** Now you’re doing this on purpose.  
**Buck:** I have shorts on.

***

 **Buck:** Come over after you get off work? Please?  
**Josh:** I realize I should have known you’d be insatiable, but I think I still underestimated.  
**Buck:** I mean, if you don’t want to…  
**Josh:** You sent me 4 shirtless videos of you working out. I want to.  
**Buck:** 😇

***

Josh has been single a while, but it’s not like he hasn’t had plenty of time to have sex in the past. It hasn’t hurt his confidence to figure out that Buck hasn’t had as much experience with men and definitely hasn’t had men who both knew what they were doing and took the time to really take him apart. Buck also has no shame about showing off how he’s feeling. He moans and whines and whimpers, not holding back at all as Josh fingers him until he gives up on the idea of coming untouched and begs for Josh’s mouth. Then he insists on being fucked even though Josh doesn’t understand how he can take it.

“Are you some kind of sex god?” Buck asks after they’re curled up together in bed.

“I think you’ve just had subpar partners,” Josh tells him.

He expects Buck to argue, but instead he wrinkles his nose and says, “Yeah, that’s possible, but you’re still amazing. So, I’m totally into getting fucked because it’s been forever, but are you cool with switching?”

“Right now, or in general?” Age might be helping him in the skills department, but if Buck wants to go again, he’s going to have wait.

“In general.”

“Yeah. Honestly, I wasn’t sure _you’d_ be into bottoming,” Josh admits.

“Because I’m bi?”

Josh shrugs. It’s possibly offensive, but in his defense, he has dated bi guys who insisted on always topping. Then again, he’s also dated gay guys who had a strong preference.

“I can live without it because not a lot of girls are into it, but if I can get it, I want it. It’s been a while and fuck, I didn’t even know it could be that good, so I might be more into it than normal right now,” Buck says. “But um, most of the guys I’ve been with have just been hookups, so you might have to give me some direction when we switch. They were good, but you’re obviously better, and I’m probably not any better than they were.”

“Not a problem,” Josh says as he pushes Buck over so he can spoon against Buck’s back. Buck is bigger than him, but he seems to love being the little spoon—likely because he hasn’t had the offer often. “But I’m old so I need rest right now.”

“You’re not old,” Buck says, but he threads their fingers together and snuggles back to get comfortable.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Buck very much but he is an attractive man who spent a lot of time just hooking up. So anyway, this is an extra I wrote and I’m putting it in the notes because it’s not very long. I guess _technically_ it’s Buck/Abby but it’s really just one of my Buck head canons and Hen gets to laugh at him and be awesome.
> 
> ***
> 
> It’s probably not the best idea to ask Hen for help while they’re at work. Buck knows that. But he also knows that he wants to see Abby again as soon as possible, and he wants to be ready when that happens. So, he waits until Bobby is occupying Chimney.
> 
> “I need help,” Buck says. When Hen looks at him with her eyebrows raised, he adds. “I didn’t do anything. I need advice. Possibly some instruction?”
> 
> “Okay, now I’m just curious.” Hen pats the seat next to her on the couch.
> 
> “So, I had sex with Abby,” Buck starts.
> 
> “Good for you?”
> 
> “Right, it was good. Well, I thought so? But we’ve had sex a couple more times and I’m not sure it’s good for her. I don’t think she’s…you know.”
> 
> Hen starts laughing. Honestly, Buck expected that. He did. That’s why he waited until she was alone. But he looked on the internet and just found a lot of porn, so after he considered his options, he decided it was worth it. She stops a couple times, looks at him and then starts laughing all over again.
> 
> “Should I wait for you to be done or just leave?” Buck asks eventually.
> 
> “No, no. I’m almost done,” Hen says, so he waits until she’s wiping the tears from her eyes. “Okay, okay. Sorry. I love you. You know that, right?”
> 
> “Yes, but are you going help me or just laugh at me?”
> 
> “I’ll help. I’ll help. Abby deserves orgasms,” Hen says. Buck nods because that’s why he’s here. Abby deserves orgasms.
> 
> “Okay. First. And I want you to really think and be honest with yourself. Do you think you’ve ever given a woman an orgasm?”
> 
> “Lots of women have said they had fun?” Buck says. It’s true. Lot’s of women have said, thanks, that was fun.  
> Hen just looks at him.
> 
> “Possibly not,” Buck admits. “But I want to!”
> 
> “Okay. Admitting you have a problem and wanting to change is half the battle,” Hen says. Then she picks up her phone and searches something.
> 
> “Can you tell me where the clitoris is?” Hen says as she tilts her phone toward him. It has a diagram that’s definitely not the side angle they had in Buck’s science book and nothing is labeled.
> 
> “Somewhere in that area?” Buck guesses and circles his finger around the top.
> 
> ***
> 
>  **Notes on this note:** I love Buck very much, but there’s no way that boy was good in bed. Anyway, I think he’d be better with men because he has the same parts but he still wants to be more than just okay. He’s just going to go straight to the source this time because Hen also told him to just ask his partner what they like. So Josh is not just magically good in bed, he’s just older and hasn’t mostly had lots of one or two night stands.


End file.
